To have or not have is the question of the hour!
Yes, you read it right! It’s ‘child-free’ and NOT ‘child-less’. One implies physiological inability and the other is a right and an option.
I (and my husband, of course) choose a life without kids. No, we are not misanthropes, yes, we had a great childhood and most importantly, we are very secure adults. I cannot possibly stress enough, the fact that its a choice…a conscious decision to lead a life without children.
Today, gender transformation, homosexuality, atheism etc. are not taboos.
I am not equating these issues with being child-free. They are not the same, I agree. But the point I am trying to make is the same. My life, my choice and I am not apologetic about it!
Being child-free is not an easy decision to make. You have to be very sure of everything. Yes, I mean everything…. you have to do a lot of soul searching along with your partner if you two are ‘enough’. Do you complete each other? Do you really think this long life is even without the joys that do come along with a kid? Will I ever regret not having kids in future? Can you survive the social pressure? Can you take another one of those pitiful looks you get each time you tell someone you have no kids what so ever? How do you deal with look of ‘horror’ on the faces of people, akin to that of a 6 year old on learning ‘there is no Santa’!?
Over and above, do you really want to ‘go’ without leaving anyone behind? These life-changing doubts and questions are difficult enough without being subject to scrutiny from every Tom, Dick and Harry. Add the ticking time-bomb of a biological clock… Yes, that’s pressure! Too many questions and very few people to understand and/or consult with.
Well, kudos to the people who do it. But not being a parent is not a series of endless parties, concerts and evenings out. Nor is it evasion of responsibilities. In fact, its about a quiet night, a meaningful conversation with your spouse, investment of time, energy and youth in doing something you want to and not something you have to! It’s about steering your life in a direction you want to.
I am not saying these joys are not possible with kids, but to say that a life without one is ‘incomplete’ or ‘superficial’ is plain wrong. In fact, it is a decision of such magnitude that it involves more consideration and planning than a decision to have kids! It requires a certain level of selflessness to come to terms with the thought of going against a very primal urge to procreate, to not leave your biological imprint behind!
It is also a moral stand against the notion that a woman is a birthing machine!
There are a thousand reasons to have a child and a thousand arguments to not have one… BUT only one is right…the right of a child to be born in a family that loves and wants it. Otherwise, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
Everyone wants to wake up in the morning to have something to look forward to, and just because the ‘bundle of joy’ does not come wrapped in a poopy diaper, does not mean that life cannot be worthwhile!
— Urooj Fathima
uroojfathima 
I like the point you make about it not being an easy decision. When I really think about this it’s so true! Mainly because society is very judgmental and suspicious of a woman who does not want a baby, so much so I have sometimes considered ‘conforming’ – but then I remind myself of what I really want! Very thought provoking and for me, affirming – thank you!
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed my blog. Happy to see someone who shares similar ideas. Also please, never ever change your stand on this issue for the sake of others who have no respect for your decision.
I don’t consider my life “child-free.” There are children in my life, they’re just not my children. They are my friends’ children or my family’s children. One benefit of having a child is that someone might take care of you when you’re old – or at least help pay for the nursing. But I have a plan to take care of myself in my old age. It’s true that you do have to be very sure of everything. I have been with the love of my life for 2 years now. I only entered into a relationship with him because he also does not want to be a parent. I will be sterilized soon and I chose to do so in full consideration of our relationship somehow ending. It’s who I am, what I want, it’s my life.
Interesting… It’s no secret that a lot of people if not all, have kids so that they have someone to take care of them in their old age. It is the fear of the unseen that drives a lot of people to procreate….I think it’s a very primal desire for protection.
But I refuse to put such a premium on any relationship. In fact, just like you mentioned, my husband and I plan to make some alternative arrangements for our old age…. It’s hard but that’s the trade-off we need to make for a life that is ‘free’ of children.
Like I mentioned in my blog, I feel that a world would be a better place if kids are born out of love and a desire, a selfless choice to have a family and not an investment awaiting fruition in old age… Where kids love and cherish their parents and vice versa, not out of obligation or guilt but out of love and gratefulness.
I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the issue and I want to wish you the very best on your choice to sterilise yourself. I hope you and your partner have a great life.