Bored….

People ask me how does it feel to stay home, alone for most part of the day…The answer is bored of course! Finding the ‘right thing’ to do can be a lot more challenging than doing the thing ‘right’! One stays at home for a lot of reasons like taking care of the household, kids,  dislike of commute (to workplace) and I can go on…

I stayed at home after moving to a new place, quitting a job that was challenging and lovable at the same time! Thinking that after all the hard-work, I deserved a break from the rut of it all and more importantly to adapt to the new environment.

I do enjoy my ‘alone’ time, doing things that I never had the time to do before, be it as simple as catching up with friends I had lost contact with. Then there are the never ending chores of the day that need to be taken care of. But I also miss getting ready to a new challenge for the day, the fear of not being prepared well enough, getting caught off-guard, the rush every morning and the stress at the end of each day…I am certainly not the first person and surely not the last one to have this love-hate relationship with my job!

At the end of the day when my head doesn’t hurt with a throbbing pain and stress of the day, when I dont have to worry about who said what about whom, how much of it is true and more importantly not being conveniently dumped on or ‘delegated’ with the work that is not remotely mine, I don’t know whether to be happy or sad…And here I thought the answer to that question is obvious!

Can work really be fun? Fun I am choosing to deprive myself of? Is it the only identity? I dont have answers for these questions yet but when I think of the extra hour of sleep on a rainy day, curled in my blanket when the whole world rushes through the traffic and all, I think I am not totally out of line to think that it is a privilege to stay back and take a break!

Let me for a while ‘work from home’…no not through the schemes that promise you ‘so many dollars’ for ‘so many hours’. Let me enjoy the time as a vacation well earned. Because sooner or later I will have to go back and be a part of the rut and when the extra work is dumped on me let me not curse myself for not enjoying today!

—Still bored
Urooj Fathima

29!

 

 

What comes to your mind when I say ‘Turning 30’? ‘Old’ ? Painful’? ‘End of an era’?

 

Sounds complicated? God Yes! Honestly, I don’t know. I might be a while before I turn 30, but I really want to know what the big deal is! Will I be stepping in to old age? Become ancient? Boring? As I said earlier, I don’t know but I really want to know! It is a fear and a real one at that! I know I sound paranoid….but time is ticking and I am looking hither-dither for answers. Is it just me or everyone on the wrong side of 20 feeling the same?

 

The last time I checked, no one wants to get old. I am no exception and the last time I was hoping that time comes to halt was when I was a ‘sweet’ 16 year old! I just did NOT want to turn 17. Period! Everyday (well not literally!) I knew it was an ‘uphill’ journey spiraling downwards on the calendar inching closer and closer to the dreaded date that will change something very dear to me.

 

But I am trying to stay calm, hoping that the ‘dreaded’ birthday just comes and goes like a giant tidal wave and I will hopefully remain like a rock on the shore, strong and unperturbed!

But is it really possible to remain calm and composed when such a major change awaits you? Is it really possible to look at age as just a number? Can I make peace with the fact that whenever and wherever I mention my age, the number will no long be ’20 something’? The very thought of all this is a little unnerving.

 

So, what is the big deal? My age, instead of starting with a ‘2′ it will be ‘3’. Is it so bad? Can a ‘slight’ change in the number drive me up the wall? It does not drive me mad but still does ‘something’…It bothers me! After-all, I was used to being in my 20s for the last 10 years and that is not a small time. I have definitely gotten used to it and more importantly attached to it!

 

All this hullabaloo over aging might sound vain and superficial but I am sure I am not the first person and will certainly not be the last one to think this way! I don’t know if there will be a physiological change or not. I am not sure what the rules are but I am definitely going to miss my 20s.

 

I will remember them fondly as the time I made great friends, graduated and got my first job and of course, the highpoint in life when I got married, as the journey that transformed me from a little girl into a matured individual that I am today…

 

Love you my 20s and its not good-bye yet!

 

Well, I hope to enjoy the remainder of ‘life before 30’ and ease into my 30s and rock on! I wish to create fabulous memories and live life to the fullest and hopefully when time comes to bid adieu to my 30s, the transition into 40s will make me reminisce my 30s, as fondly as I am remembering my 20s today!

 

Don’t you all agree?

 
Urooj Fathima

 

Obsessed with an accent!

‘English is a funny language’….is perhaps one of the most memorable and hilarious dialogues in Indian cinema. I often notice in pleasant situations like watching a sitcom or the not so pleasant situations like racial slurs being hurled ( not necessarily on me) invariably closing with a mockery of the English accent of the non-white person. The French, Italians, Germans, Australians, Irish all have an accent which is made fun of but the accent of the Asians like Indians or Chinese is mocked. Right there is the difference!

First of all, English is NOT the ‘mother tongue’ of these countries. With the population of over a billion people in each, the zest in people to learn English is also high. The past two decades especially, have seen a rise in the number of people who want to or have learn the language in these States for business, education and employment opportunities to name a few.

The Indian accent that people find so ‘hilarious’ is different, yes. How can it be the same as it is in the U.S or U.K or any other nation for that matter, when it is taught by people who have learnt the language in India? Enthusiasm and necessity have driven the populace to acquire the communication skill set of a foreign language. Naturally, there will be the ‘mother-tongue’ influence! And what is this ‘perfect’ accent that people seem to ‘lack’ everywhere except the U.S and U.K? The Americans seem to make fun of the British accent, and even in U.S itself there is the ‘Southern’ accent, the ‘Jersey’ accent and the midland accent.

 I know that it is the ‘neutral’ accent that is correct, acceptable and ‘ought to be’ form of spoken English. I agree that as is the case with any aspect of life, we should constantly strive for improvement and we should aspire to come closer to the correct if not the perfect accent.

With so many different dialects and accents, its important to celebrate the versatility and adaptability of the language. Accent is an inherent part of a people. What I find absolutely unacceptable is the mockery of the so called ‘less-than-perfect’ styles of speech. Placing undue importance on the accent rather than the speech itself is sign of a conceited and a messed up mindset.

 The search for sameness in the present world is futile and disappointing. Each time you encounter a ‘different’ accent don’t jump up and mock that. Hurling racial slurs is abusive, inhuman, sinful and plain wrong and mocking the accent tantamounts to racism! Using something as superficial as an accent as the criteria for emphasizing a sense of superiority is petty, stupid and like scraping the bottom of the barrel!

Urooj Fathima

Bright and Sunny!

Ah! the ‘summer exuberance’ is here. Its time to celebrate, rejoice and bask in the glory of the summer sun. Open the windows and let the summer breeze in! Time to enjoy the abundance of foliage, long and warm days, the uninhibited sunshine, and even the mad rush on streets. After the pitch-dark winter this is just the ‘doctor-ordered’ sliver of gleam!

Spring retreats and heralds the arrival of the glorious sunny days ahead. The former lays the ground work for the visual treat, the picturesque blossom, the resurrection of life itself that is the summer months. There is a spirit of joy in the air! The trees dancing as the gentle breeze naughtily hazes them, the flowers in their full bloom beacon the onlookers, as if to reach out to them, to stop them and coerce them to just look at them. Beauty, vigour and sparkle seem to be the flavour of the season.

The endless supply of sunshine translates itself as opportunity, hope and joy of life itself. Summer comes as the harbinger of love, laughter, growth and all the goodness of life. The continuous chirping of the birds, the animals grazing the lush green grass and people sunbathing, taking time to travel, kids scooting on their bicycles are a few of the fabulous gifts of summer. In fact, even in the places where summer is synonymous with heat it comes as a welcome break and a time to ‘getaway’, unwind and enjoy the many wonders of the season.

Above all the joys that summer brings along is its enchanting warmth. This warmth gives us strength to carry on. It is a reassurance that even the bleakest of winters is not faraway from the gleeful radiance of summer. So go and ‘sweat it out’. Enjoy the summer splendour before its time to hang up the sandals and take out the duffel boots!

–Urooj Fathima

On NOT being candid!

 

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
  Its loveliness increases; it will never
          Pass into nothingness;…..                      

                                                                        —- John Keats                                        

 

 I often see people yawn at the very mention of poetry and I don’t blame them if they haven’t read the soulful melody that is the poetry of John Keats. The ‘thing of beauty’ that I am referring to, is a beautiful picture that sits atop my mantelpiece. Shot in the breathtakingly beautiful, fantastic locale of Gulmarg (Kashmir, India). Snow-capped mountains and trees in the backdrop, standing cheek-to-cheek with my husband, this picture’s ‘loveliness increases’ each time I look at it. It is beautiful not because how we look in it, this is not a self-aggrandizing web-log. It is about a moment in my life that is permanently captured.

 

This photo of which I so fondly speak was shot by a total stranger for a paltry price. In fact, we had to be coerced into taking it in the first place! The place was abuzz with tourists, all keen to find a secluded, picture-perfect spot to go into their dream album. In pursuit of this elusive spot we had to shovel the knee-deep snow, so as to get that perfect backdrop.

 

The moment was posed for and shot in a hurry. Yet when I look at it, I conveniently forget the painstaking journey, the bargaining, the vendors trying to take advantage of my ‘tourist’ tag. I can remember it as (and only as) a blissful, exotic and dream-like adventure!

 

So how does this seemingly tedious feat turn into the renderings of Keats? When does the charade translate into reality? What is it about our memory that blows-up an ordinary polaroid into something surreal, into ‘something else’?

 

I think it is our innate desire to preserve ourselves. To have a ‘moment’ that may or may not exist actually, but stands in front of us in the form of a visual representation of everything we want it to be. And the wonderful way in which our memory works, editing the unwanted and inconvenient details, slowly but surely, the’moment’ in this very picture is as real as the next thing you see!

 

Is this what they call ‘looking at life with rose-tinted glasses’? Maybe. And what is the harm? The next time you take a picture, give it your best shot. It may not be candid but if you can remain 25 forever, I think the ‘tinted glasses’ are a great bargain 😉

 

 

—-Urooj Fathima

 

A Housewife

Yes, you heard me! I did not say a ‘stay at home’ wife or mom or a ‘homemaker’. As long as you play the part of a wife and/or mother you are going to be a ‘home maker’ whether or … Continue reading →

A Grown Up

The golden time, the good ol’ days, a carefree world, unlimited fun…No, I am not talking about a sequel to the many prequels of ‘Golmaal’… I am talking about childhood. Ah! to think of a world in which we are always taken care of… No bills or deadlines, no EMIs and for sure no heart-breaks, where the biggest worry in life is who is going to pounce on the last piece of candy at home…All this and more constitute the proverbial ‘age of innocence’. It seems like ‘just yesterday’. A fond place in the golden casket of the memory lane. Where time was still but we were not.

 

The day began with going to school, meeting up with friends, continued with finishing the dreaded homework which was often a permission slip to go out and play!

To top this, were the diligent ‘rules’ set by our parents and if we belonged to the era of joint families, the entire brigade of ‘grown-ups’. The immutable laws included the time to wake up, set number of hours for homework, play, friends, T.V. and even sleep! Phew! At the age of 5, I didn’t know that this is going to be the cycle of my life for the next 10 years! And here I am, still reminiscing  this time and calling it the most convivial time of my life! If I am successful, you are too!

 

Why does this seemingly agonizing time, full of rules and regulations seem so desirable and easy? Do we hate our adult lives? Nah!  Is it the helplessness of not being able to go back in time and do all those things we think we should have? Was it the fun in breaking and sneaking past those rules? Maybe. As kids all we wanted was the love minus the punishments that we definitely got and how! We wanted to be ‘independent’. Remember the ‘Dhara’ advertisement in which the adorable kid is angry with everyone at home and is at the train station ready to ‘leave the house’?

 

Back then, we had it all figured out. ‘I want to become a doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc., get married and maybe have kids’. We didn’t think ‘what after that’. And I think now is the time to do that. We crossed the bridge, made it to the ‘other side’. We wanted to grow up and here we are. Time to start after the middle. Time for us to make the rules for the kids in our lives, which they will break! I think this is what is called ‘the circle of life’?

 

All the kids I see today are smart, intelligent, zealous and more. At the age of 6 they can teach you a few moves of chess! I think we were still learning spellings back then. All I want to tell them (and their over-competitive parents) is, just be kids for a while. Leave the laptops for the grown-ups and enjoy the sun! Get your feet dirty and have mom go nuts over the same. Don’t let your ‘smart’ overshadow your ‘sweet’. Don’t be in a hurry to zoom past to the ‘age of experience’. Revel in the ‘age of innocence’ for a while. A little secret of life, growing up is inevitable! hush-hush 😉

 

 

Urooj Fathima

On being fat!

What is the single most obsession we have today? Cricket? IPL? money? The proverbial question: what do women and today even men want? Who are the new haves and have nots?

The answer is simple. Just take a look at the ad in the T.V where wearing a designer suit will make you the C.E.O of a company, where using a particular brand of soap will make you more beautiful than ever. What do all these have in common? The obsession to look good at all times in all situations. Ever seen a ‘fat’ person in these ads? A resounding no! Even the junk-food joints’ commercials have skinny people gobbling away.

Its obvious, we all want to have that hour-glass figure on which we can flaunt the designer labels, turn heads and make everyone go ‘wow’! Then we ‘have’ it! Now what if a poor soul, yes I don’t mean just the girls, does not have a hot body? The answer is easy. You are the the but(t) of all jokes.

I am one of them. No, not someone with a fancy disease or syndrome or even gay (coming out never seemed so cool). I am fat! period. Where ever I go this reckless obsession to ‘look good’ is unfathomable and unrelenting. I cannot go shopping without feeling sorry for myself, I meet someone after ages and all I can think of is how this person is going to react at my appearance. I make a wise remark on something and I know that somehow my weight will make its way in the middle of the conversation. In fact, since my weight gain (yes, now I talking like I have a contagious, incurable disease) I cannot have a conversation with anyone that is not weighed down by my weight.

How can I forget all the aunties, uncles, ‘well wishers’ who are all so wise and full of unsolicited advise on how I can get back in shape and conquer the world! Everyone, you may or may not know their last name (many cases not even their first!) is there to put me out of my misery. The most seemingly incompetent person assumes the mantle of a doctor/ nutritionist/ dietitian and what not. ‘Drink this ‘magic potion’ in the morning’, ‘don’t do that in the afternoon’, ‘avoid this’ and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone said ‘cut-off that limb’ altogether as a ‘tip’ to lose weight.

When people tell me I am fat. I don’t and cant and more than anything, dont want to deny that I am fat. I am not in denial! So what? I absolutely despise and cannot understand why they all seem to think that I am unaware of it till that moment. God! do they carry on. Seems like they cannot stop to save their very life. It goes from ‘you are fat’ to ‘exactly’ how fat! What better than concluding it with a parathion shot ‘you don’t look as good as you did before!’

But the irony of this is, these very same experts never complimented me on my looks or told me how healthy I was ‘before’!

No, this blog is not about how I gained the weight, what all I am doing (or not doing) to lose weight. I am not going to hide behind the versatile excuse of ‘hormonal imbalance’. Its about how I my life changed.

I have an advantage of the proverbial ‘before’ and ‘after’ that is associated with fat people and mine is reversed. In my case, ‘before’ was when I was NOT fat and after is, well, you know what. As a kid and most of my adult life I was what people would then tease me as ‘skinny’. So did I have the best life possible? Yes and I continue to do so (by God’s Grace). But was it because I was thin? Not really. Being hardworking, focusing on being good at studies, making friends, caring for and loving my family and just going about life with all my flaws and finesse, which is not very different from who I am today. At that time I didn’t think that I was the ‘chosen one’. I didn’t realize I was in the chic first class. Weight gain, lo and behold! I was bumped out of the elite and into the ‘cattle class’.

Even the disabled are called ‘differently able’, but once you are fat every offensive reference in the dictionary is ‘just a joke’ and you are ‘over-sensitive’ if you feel bad and the jokes just wont stop if you play-along! Probably they are all thinking that feelings are lost behind your enormous weight.

So what is my point? Am I cribbing and complaining? Maybe. What I really want is the next time you meet me talk to me about everything including my weight but just stop before you do the honours of pin-pointing the exact number of kilos I have gained and exactly where. (Somehow they all obsess over ‘exactness’). Because as hard as it is for you to believe I know! I don’t want your pity and awws and ouches simply because I am not suffering from a disease. Hell, when Aishwarya Rai, whose praises the world wouldn’t stop singing at one point, is in the eye of a storm for weight gain (forget about the heroic delivery of a baby girl at 37 years of age!) what chance to do ordinary girls stand?

As for me (and everyone like me), don’t carry my weight for me because I don’t know about losing those pounds but boy! do I know about jutting a fist… That’s a weight you don’t want to be weighed down under!

Urooj Fathima

On being relocated…

Having lived in a particular place for over 28 years , I think I will call it my roots….so when time came for me to shoot out of these roots, I was um-mm excited! It was going to be adventurous, thrilling and ‘new’ in every sense of the term! After-all, how often do we get a chance to completely ‘start over’ in life? Is it something we want? dread? easy? or for that matter worth it?

Will I find this new place livable without any shred of my ‘previous’ life? what about family….can I begin a life without them? All this and more was on my mind… but the general tone was that of excitement. I had never lived away from home. never travelled outside India and it was my dream to live in an amazing, astounding, developed yet quaint place. Ireland is just that! I was ecstatic that me and hubby were relocating here. I couldn’t have asked for more….

Ireland is beautiful….that is the first adjective that comes to mind. Its green, cold, wet, pollution-free (relatively) with great infrastructure. Living here was easy.

Coming from Bangalore, if I know one thing like the back of my hand , it is the perturbing ‘T’ word …‘traffic’. No, I don’t mean just the serpentine line of vehicles. For a Bangalorean, it means bikes and cars and buses and of course the jay-walkers, cutting you short and swearing at you because you inconvenience them by just being there on the road. It means incessant honking even before the red light turns amber, forget about it going green! Smoke, noise, and how can I ever forget the entourage of a single minister that uses the arterial road at the peak hour bringing the burgeoning traffic to a grinding halt. Living in India made me used to a certain way of life that involved running from pillar to post to get the smallest of tasks like getting my damaged tablet replaced.

Naturally, I found Dublin organised. It was like the entire city is a ‘no-honking’ zone.Yes, it is a part of the ‘developed’ world, but that is not what makes it so ‘easy-to-live’. There is a sense of coming to a halt here. No, I don’t mean stagnant…. I mean relaxed and laid back.

This is exactly what me and especially my husband needed, a break from time itself! Here the clock does not run your life. There is no hurry to gobble up your second morsel even before your tongue has tasted the first.

So, is Dublin an answer to what all humans are looking for? No. Like every place on earth it has its own set of challenges. Sometimes the ‘relaxed’ borders on lazy and even inconvenient! Try shopping after 7:00 in the evening and you will know what I am talking about. And of course, ‘the great Indian palate’… well, there is hardly any restaurant here that will satisfy that!

What about the dreaded ‘R’ word….When the whole world is doing it, is Dublin an exception to racism? Unfortunately, no. Being a foreigner here has its repercussions. Is it Right? No. But does it happen anyway? Yes! However, it does not impede our lives and that is what makes life good here.

People here love life. Complete strangers saying ‘hello’ on the street, complimenting me on my bike, complaining about the cold was completely alien to me. I don’t know how they work but I know for a fact that they party real hard here. Come here on a dry and sunny day and you can see celebration and jubilant spirit in the air! Then again, it could be the sun or the extra pint of Guinness that lifts the ‘spirit’. After all its the Irish we are talking about!

Urooj Fathima